Tag Archives: the end

full stop. and an excerpt.

“First,” said she, “I learned that I must accept with joy all that you allowed to happen to me on the way and everything to which the path led me! That I was never to try to evade it but to accept it and lay down my own will on the altar and say, ‘Behold me, I am thy little handmaiden Acceptance-with-Joy.'”

“Then I learned that I must bear all that others were allowed to do against me and to forgive with no trace of bitterness and to say to thee, ‘Behold me – I am thy little handmaiden Bearing-with-Love,’ that I may receive power to bring good out of this evil.”

“The third thing that I learned was that you, my Lord, never regarded me as I actually was, lame and weak and crooked and cowardly. You saw me as I would be when you had done what you promised and had brought me to the High Places, when it could be truly said, ‘There is none that walks with such a queenly ease, nor with such grace, as she.’ You always treated me with the same love and graciousness as though I were a queen already and not wretched little Much-Afraid.” Then she looked up into his face for a little time and could say no more, but at last she added, “My Lord, I cannot tell you how greatly I want to regard others in the same way.”

“The fourth thing,” said she with a radiant face, “was really the first I learned up here.  Every circumstance in life, no matter how crooked and distorted and ugly it appears to be, if it is reacted to in love and forgiveness and obedience to your will can be transformed.”

“Therefore I begin to think, my Lord, you purposefully allow us to be brought into contact with the bad and evil things you want changed.  Perhaps that is the very reason why we are here in this world, where sin and sorrow and suffering and evil abound, so that we may let you teach us so to react to them, that out of them we can create lovely qualities to live forever…”

It’s no secret the past couple of years have been one heck of a rollercoaster for me.  I appreciate that you read along with me during my last few months in Nashville and my time in Uganda.  I miss the children more everyday.  As for this blog, I think I’m wrapping it up.   I’m thankful I had this place to vent and that somehow I was able to be so candid in some of my posts.  However, there was always a vague ulterior motive in my writing in a public forum.  Jesus has silently and distantly been doing some work in my heart and helping me overcome things.

This chapter is closing.  Love you loads.

Advertisements

signing off from Uganda.

This will be my last post from Uganda. Today is the last designated internet day, so next time I update I’ll probably be in the comfort of my dad’s living room (Dad – I accept the job offer, and I’ve put bells on every cow I’ve seen).

It’s weird to see this come to an end.

Rewind: September to December 2007

I was dating Matt and was led to believe we would eventually get married. Those three months produced some of the best and worst relational memories I have. His career really intimidated me and I created completely unwarranted insecurities about myself. When it ended, I was devastated. That devastation set the tone for my college graduation, Christmas, New Years’ and the better part of 2008.

Back to the present: September to December 2008

If Matt and I had continued dating, chances are I would probably be married or planning a wedding. I can with (almost) certainty say I would not have come to Uganda for three months. I’m sure I would have been content with Matt. But there’s no way you could get me to trade the time I’ve spent in Uganda for anything.

It’s mind-blowing how three months can change your life. I don’t know what passion God wants me to pursue next. Coming to Africa has been that passion for three years. What’s next?

I don’t know. I’m waiting on Jesus, and if I have to wait on Jesus until the day I die…I’m ok with that.

However, I do know a few things.

A group of nearly 30 Ugandan children can instill in you the confidence you thought you’d never regain.

It took being halfway around the world for me to really forgive my mom, and to realize that she loves me despite my awesomely awful moments, which can last for months on end.

Jesus had to take me away from everything to get me to trust Him with my heart again. Next time it breaks, I will do my best to know that yes, it is Jesus’ will, and yes, His love is more than enough.

I can pee in a pit latrine and take a bath out of a bucket for three months if necessary.

My friends love me, immensely. My church loves me, immensely. My family loves me, immensely. I have been blessed with an insanely great support system. None of you realize how wonderful it was to hear your voices, receive your comments and emails and open your packages. Thank you, one day I’ll find a way to repay you.

Beans and rice cannot sustain me for three months, but Auntie makes the most amazing eggs.  And a rolex is all I need for lunch.

I can barter, decently. For instance, I got a boda-boda to the post office today for half what the driver told me at first.

If the adoption process were easier, I would seriously consider taking some of these children home. Seriously.

For the first time in a year, I’m looking forward to going somewhere, back to Bolivar to live with my dad. I moved to Nashville heartbroken. And coming to Uganda came with a lot of anxiety, which I never handle well (and that explains why I hate roller coasters).

This last week has flown by. And while I am looking forward to being in the States, my heart aches to know that in a week, when I’m tired of the silence, I’ll want nothing more than to hear the cries of Frida, Nisha and Gift.

If you ever plan on traveling to a third-world country for an extended period of time, take what you think you’ll end up spending and multiply it by three. That should be enough.

I’ve learned so much about myself, and I’m incredibly thankful for who these children and this place forced me to become.

Stay tuned. Once I get home, I’ll be uploading some photos and making some vlogs with the footage from my time here.

I’ll see you soon.

Nkwagalagwe.